EARLY TWENTIES

I grew up being brainwashed into thinking that your early twenties are the best years of your life. TV and movies taught me that being twenty-something meant feeling so alive that nothing tires you; except I fall asleep in the Uber on the way back from the club, and I wake up nauseous and with a migraine if I do not get at least eight hours of sleep a night. I constantly listen to my family reminiscing about the “good old days”, as if your twenties are the peak of your life and everything goes downhill from there. Your twenties consist of this constant pressure to have your life together while also being spontaneous and fun. I feel like I am on this rollercoaster of responsibilities. People tell you to have fun, but also warn you to not jeopardize your future with inconsistent behaviour that comes with making plans with friends to go out or stay in, drink or just eat, etc. People tell you to get your life together and decide the rest of your future by choosing a career path before you even know who you are as a person, while also telling you to relax because you are too young to be so stressed. People tell you to work hard so that your future will be bearable, but say that the future will suck regardless, either because you are trapped in a dying marriage or in an office job that sucks the life out of you. All of these contradicting statements leave you feeling lost and scared. You find yourself stressed all the time. Even when you have no immediate responsibilities and you take the time to relax, you still feel uneasy, as if you are not doing enough, as if you are threatening your entire future by taking that one break. My early twenties have not been the best years of my life. They have left me feeling broken and unworthy. They have made me wishful of a time when I was innocent and was shielded from reality, of a time when I could not wait to be twenty-something and living my best life.